Wandering

 I’m not lost. I’m just wandering.

There is something to be said for living life without an anchor. By which I mean, living without anything to hold you down to one place, one job, one style of life, one set of friends.

It’s sometimes frightening to be so unleashed, of course. To find yourself flung into the GREAT UNKNOWN without any idea of where you are going to land. But the hard facts of life mean that no one, not even the most rooted and grounded and anchored person with a pension and a 401K actually knows what is going to happen next. It’s just the illusion of safety to think that what you have now you will still have tomorrow or even in 5 minutes.

Wandering is the ability to throw off those illusions and simply face the uncertainty head on. It’s a little bit like an adrenaline rush, but more than that it is a fantastic exercise in faith…a trust fall of epic proportions.

I suppose I ought to clarify that I’m not truly without any anchor. The hope I have in Christ is a rock-solid foundation that I can anchor into even while I’m wandering (Hebrews 6:19). It’s like true north on a compass. No matter where I wander, I’m not lost, and I never will be. So I don’t have to fear the uncertainty. I can embrace change and wildness and even a worldwide pandemic without losing myself or losing sight of what is important.

I know it isn’t truly feasible for some, and that others wander entirely unintentionally. However, if it is ever possible for you to do so, if ever you come across a chance where you think “if only I had time off” or “someday I’d really like to” and you feel that pull in your chest like your being drawn somewhere even though it doesn’t make sense, I say go. I mean, pray about it first. Don’t just jump off a bridge without looking. But go as often as you can. 

Learn new things. Meet new people. Experience new cultures.

Love God Always, first and last and forever.

Wander.

The Instagram Perspective

A snippet from the Instagram Welcome email reads like this:

“Share your perspective by capturing and sharing photos and videos from your day, whether it’s your morning routine or the trip of a lifetime"

On the face of it, the words are accurate. You are in fact literally sharing your perspective by showing whoever happens to be following you what you are seeing… or what you want them to see. But the previous statement also has the implied promise that if people see what you see they will feel what you feel.

Is it actually true?

Certainly I appreciate pictures of clear blue waters that show up on my feed from my coworkers vacations. But do I actually know what it is to be there in the sun and the sand? Or does it instead inspire a sometimes vague and sometimes less so sense of envy and discontent? There have been multiple articles in the recent past that suggest it is very much the latter.

Why then do we continue to use such technology?

Because when it all boils down to it we do, very much, want people to feel what we feel, to share our perspective of the world if even for a brief moment, because in that sharing we feel that we ourselves might become known.

And there is very little knowing going on in current culture. I was fortunate to have grown up before the technology boom and can therefore survive for several hours and sometimes even days at a time without my phone or indeed any electronic devices.

But I’ve recently run into a problem. While I am perfectly capable, judging by past relationships and ongoing friendships, of starting and maintaining a conversation, the people around me are growing less and less capable of providing the other side of such a conversation.

I spent the last two days at a leadership conference here in Rochester. It was at a location that I’d never visited before, and the only person I knew there was my brother, who came as my guest.

The first day, the only people who deigned to talk to us were the greeters, and one random pastor that I met in the lunch line. Even the people sitting at our lunch table were entirely involved in their own conversation and their phones, so much so that they didn’t even say hello. At a leadership conference.

I would like to point out here that there is a certain amount of humorous irony in that.

The second day I made the extra effort to strike up conversations during the meal, and I was rewarded with a tepid stream of basic facts that wound down into painful silence. Once we were the past the where are you from and what do you do part of the questions, no one seemed willing to go any farther. Why?

Personally, I was tired of trying to draw out even the dullest facts. Small talk is a tapeworm to my soul. It’s all well and good if you have to talk to someone in the grocery line, but it isn’t meant to last any longer than that. After that you have to have something else to say, something of substance and value.

Unfortunately, many such topics have at this point been ruled politically incorrect. Taking the risk of mentioning anything of gravity opens you up to all sorts of possible vehement and critical responses. Of course, you might also have the nice surprise of finding that the other person agrees with you. Or you might have the even better surprise of discovering that they don’t, and are still able to discuss their opinion with you in a manner both respectful and casual.

And that, dear reader, is what actual perspective sharing is about. Listening. Learning. Talking. Thinking. Not necessarily agreeing, but considering with grace and respect.

This is not something that can be captured in a photo or selfie, no matter what the current exchange rate of words/photography.

It isn’t something that is being taught in our schools, our universities, or our churches. I failed to mention this was a Christian leadership conference and therefore much of the normal fear of being shot down shouldn’t even have come into play.

And yet…

Could I have started something more serious myself? Certainly. Do I have a truly good excuse for not bringing up some facet of the day’s teaching and gathering opinions? An excuse, no. But an understanding as to why I didn’t. Yes. Conversation, any kind of conversation that goes deeper than the shallow subjects of one’s number of children and current career path, requires at least a modicum of interest in having a conversation to be shown on both sides. If even getting you to say hello is like pulling teeth, no one is likely to want to sit down for a nice chat about the current theological/political climate, or the state of the gender wars.

Sharing perspective is important. It is vital for communication that moves people forward. And it is dying, if not already dead and cremated, because this rich tool that, properly wielded, can bring together diverse people from cultures and countries around the world has been substituted for something no thicker than a single moment captured on a digital print that will itself vanish in 25 hours.

Waiting on Prince Charming

I grew up on fairytales. Not the Grimm kind, but the Disney kind. Where Prince Charming comes sweeping out of the dark to defeat imminent evil and save the princess. I loved it. I love that dashing kind of romance where true love is proved by action, not just words. As I got older I came to appreciate the kind of romance you find when Mr. Darcy helps Elizabeth Bennet's family, without telling her, because he loves her. It's the same kind of love that makes Jane stay with Mr. Rochester when he's blind and scarred. Great feats of self-sacrifice without demanding anything in return. True love. I want you to understand this before I tell you what I'm going to tell you next, so you know that really I do like the idea of falling in love and marriage and Happily Ever After, and if I were ever allowed to be I would be the soppiest kind of romantic possible.

I've never been kissed. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I've chosen not to kiss anyone until my wedding day. This isn't something new I just came up with. I made this promise (I like to think of it as a vow) when I was 13 years old. Yes, I've had boyfriends. No, I never kissed any of them, and I don't regret it. Because I don't want run-of-the-mill romance that begins and ends in the dating stage. I want the kind that lasts until I'm 80 and wrinkly, and he has gray hair (or no hair at all) and crazy eyebrows. And, believe it or not, girls, you can't make someone love you, by kissing them. Nor does the fact that he is kissing you prove that he is, in any way, in love with you. I could go on for quite a while on what love actually is, but I think I'll save that for another post.

In my own experience, and I've heard this from a boyfriend as well, taking out the physical part of the relationship makes it much easier to focus on who the other person actually is. There's no surprise there. Physical attraction dumps enough chemical signals into the bloodstream that adding a physical relationship as well can completely overwhelm whatever common sense things your brain is trying to tell you, putting you into a self-induced high. (This is one of the many reasons your friends and your family are probably a better judge of your date than you are.)

Okay. Don't panic. I'm not saying you have to follow in my footsteps. I know the idea of being nearly three decades old and never having kissed anyone isn't exactly ideal. But I do suggest you pick a line, a very distinct line, that you will not cross. Make a promise and, boy or girl, respect yourself enough to keep it. Society is going to tell you that you're a freak, and  your friends probably won't understand. So be prepared to stand up for yourself. You will save yourself so much trouble and heartache, and you'll be glad of it when you find yourself in your Happily Ever After.

On another note, I once joked that I would kiss whoever I wanted if I turned 30 and wasn't married. It was just a joke, people. I'm 17 years in, so I can't see going back on my promise now. I'm going to hold out for the real thing, and if it never happens, I'm okay with that. A bit disappointed, perhaps, because who wouldn't want someone performing feats of self-sacrifice for them, but okay. Better than okay, because one person already has sacrificed himself for me. And he is more than enough.

Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
all the wealth of his house,
he would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:7

Speaking Grace

As a single woman, I've been hurt time and again by things that people have said clearly not understanding the weight of their words in an area where I'm already struggling to be content. Things like "Why aren't you married yet?", "Are you looking for someone?", "What you need to do is...". But even more than that, it's the unspoken but overarching sense of "I understand you, because I was single once, but you couldn't possibly understand me, because you've never been married/don't have children/etc."

I'm certainly not the only one who feels this way. There are numerous posts and blogs from people in all walks and places in life dedicated to the idea of what someone should or should not say to someone else. However, I don't want this to turn into one of those rants. Because the bottom line is this: I can't control what anyone else says or does to me.

So, to avoid unnecessary irritation, I need to focus on how I talk to other people and how I respond to people who say things that are hurtful, either purposefully or inadvertently, or prying or just plain annoying.

This is where mercy comes in heaps and handfuls. It isn't always easy to overlook an offense, but it's a lot easier when we consider the offenses that God has not simply overlooked, but wiped clean on our part.

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32 

Notice this verse doesn't say anything about someone asking for forgiveness. It just says to do it. Give mercy.

But what if someone really did mean to hurt me? What if it was intentional and spiteful and they are always doing the same thing?

Fortunately, it's quite simple, whether the slight was intentional or not doesn't make the least bit of difference in how I am supposed to react to it. I have one response to learn and to learn well. Forgive them.

"To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?" 1 Corinthians 6:7

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 

1 Peter 4:8

So that deals with the side of things where I'm the victim, but what if I'm the offender? What if I inadvertently say something that gives offense? Obviously, the best option is to try to avoid that situation. In a world where opinions are given unwanted and often unneeded, it isn't a bad idea for me to slow down, stop imagining that my answers are going to save the world from imminent doom, and speak grace, relying on God to give me the words that particular someone needs to hear.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Colossians 4:6 

Grace Notes

Let my life be a melody to my king
Full of the harmony of love and peace
Graced with notes of joy

Sometimes, as today, I wonder how I can spend so much of my life effectively blind to what God has done. He is not simply the creator of the universe, masters of stars and nebulae and black holes that spin the galaxies into shape. He braids he laws of physics around his fingers, and without him, nothing would hold together. Surely that is splendid, but it does not touch my heart.

Mystic Mountain - NASA

The earth itself is beautiful with a splendor that sometimes takes my breath away, when clouds edged silver by sunlight wrap the verdant green of the mountains against the bluest of skies, when the wildflowers sway in the field like summer's confetti, or the ocean rolls, full of light and dark and salt. It is beautiful and this does, in its way, touch my heart, but nature cannot save me, cannot fill me.

Photo by Michael Gabler

Then there are people, wonderful, beautiful people, who touch my life for good or ill, who take my heart and fill my hours. But they are flawed, as selfish as I am, as incapable of understanding and as deaf of heart at times. And though I love them, they cannot save me.

The Arena in Arles - Van Gogh

But, my God, not only has he saved me, but he has given me back my ability to enjoy everything else he has done. Because I am saved, I can love those who hurt me. Because I am filled with his joy and his strength and his peace, I cannot look at the sky and be struck breathless with awe at the beauty of what my God has created. Because I am loved, I can examine the laws that hold this universe together and see the glory of my Father. Everything I see, I see because he has put it there.

But I forget. Sometimes, I see the stars and do not remember what holds them in their places, I look on the mountains as only a feature of the land, and I see people as untrustworthy and not worth my time. This should not be possible, and yet, I have proved every day that it is so. So I pray today that my eyes will be opened and never closed to what my God has done, to his tremendous love and his faithfulness more constant that the sun. I pray that I will sing out the love of my God with every action, that, though there be grace notes, there will be no rests in my song.

To the Young Women in My Life

To the young women in my life...

1. What do you want to be remembered for? I don't mean after your death, but five or ten or fifteen years from now, when you've moved on to a new city and you're out on your own, when you've found new friends to add to the old ones, how do you want them to think about you?

2. How do you see yourself? I don't mean physically, but how do you see your own attitude. Would you want to be friends with someone exactly like yourself? If there's something you don't like, you have the power to change it. Happiness is a choice.

3. Take a deep breath. Never, ever panic.

4. What do you fight for? What do you fight about? There are some things, most things in fact, that aren't worth the trouble. Family, marriage and friends are not among them. Never fight for yourself; fight for those you love.

5. Be strong enough to do it yourself, but if someone offers, let them help you.

6. Offer to help others.

7. Fall in love with God before you even think about "liking" someone else. I don't care how cute he is...if he's not in love with God, you'll regret it. By the way, cute only lasts six months, at most.

8. Boys are not stupid. They are different. Very, very different. Talk to them like you would talk to someone who has just learned English as a second language. Be careful. Be kind. Be clear. Don't expect mind-reading.

9. Forgive. Even if they never admit they are wrong, forgive them. Don't assume they meant to hurt you. If you have a problem, talk to them personally, not about them to others. Never gossip.

10. You don't have to have a career. You don't have to get married. You don't have to have children. But you do have to be useful, helpful, compassionate. Make a difference wherever you are.

11. Learn to cook. It'll save you so much money. And baking is fun.

12. Pray. All the time.

13. Dress well. Let's be honest, you know when you're wearing something too short, low-cut or tight. Don't. You're beautiful, and you don't need to degrade yourself to get attention.

14. I love you all, and I always will.

Quasar

When I was in high school, a band called the Smalltown Poets sang a song with these lyrics: There must be something else that all of this revolves around / I appear so small and barely make a sound / Still mysterious these frequencies they draw you out / Looking for some light, see what I'm all about / The rest of them are stars / I'm a quasar.

This caught my attention, as it may have yours, because quasar isn't a word you hear in everyday conversation. To be as brief as possible, quasars are QUASi-stellAR radio sources. They surround black holes at the center of certain galaxies and emit massive amounts of light along with radio waves. They are the some of the most luminous objects in the known universe.

Quasar 3C 273

Now, back to the song.

Obviously, as Christians, our light should be drawing people to study us and ask what makes us shine so brightly. We should be quasars.

But that's easier said than done. Philippians 2:14-15 gives us some good guidelines for shining. "Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world." 

 This is a verse I was often (read very, very often) reminded of as a teenager. As sometimes happens, this repetition has led me to sort of ignore this verse for the most part. I definitely haven't given it as much thought as I should have in recent years. But now that I am thinking about it, wouldn't it be spectacular to be around someone who never complained or grumbled about anything? I'm not talking about false smiles and such, but what about someone who actually had that sort of attitude? Wouldn't that be awesome? Wouldn't that make you wonder what that person had going on that made them so capable of serenity? It would make me wonder. And I'm supposed to be a quasar.

Another thing of note about quasars is that they don't draw energy from within themselves. Unlike like stars, they aren't burning fuel that is packed inside them. Instead, as far as people can tell at this time, quasars emit light and radio waves as a result of gases swirling around and being inexorably drawn into the black hole. Gravity and massive amounts friction come into play as well as event horizons and other astronomical physics things. If you understand all the maths involved, I applaud you. As far as this illustration goes, however, it's only important to understand that something else powers the quasars. They aren't just out there burning brilliantly by themselves. In fact, if the black hole gives out, the quasar dissipates. So if we want to burn bright like quasars, we have to be close, event horizon close to the source of our power. The closer we get, the more light we will shine. And, like stars drawn to black holes and astronomers drawn to quasars, soon we will start pulling other people closer to our God.

Fire Drill

It's the middle of the night. You're tucked under your blankets blissfully unaware of the surrounding world, when you're suddenly woken by the shrill shriek of the fire alarm and the smell of smoke. With your eyes still blurry and your heart pounding, what do you do?

Do you crawl out the window? Call the fire department? Run for the kids? Or do you lie paralyzed as the haze grows thicker?

When I was younger, my parents used to have fire drills. They were awesome. Mostly because it involved crawling out of a second floor window on a special rope ladder. My parents had a plan. They knew who was responsible for grabbing which kids, and when we were older, we knew where we were supposed to meet outside the house. Fortunately, we never had to use that knowledge, and the only time the fire alarm went off was when the chimney fell over onto it, or someone burnt something on the stove. The point is, however, that we were ready.

The same principle underlies the training I've had to complete as a nurse. I train repeatedly for emergency situations, and when they happen, after the initial moment of brain-stopping panic, I know what to do.

If we can apply these principles to physical emergencies, I wonder why we so often overlook such planning for other aspects of our lives. Tragedies occur everyday. We can't, anyone of us, think that we will escape them. And yet, how often do we sit down and think of what we will do when the worst happens? I'm not talking about preparing for a zombie apocalypse and hoarding canned food. Honestly, I'm not even talking about preparing for a true apocalypse. I'm talking about those normal, yet life-changing tragedies: a death or hurt or loss that changes the structure of your life. What do you do when you can't see to take the next step because your eyes are stinging with tears? What is your emergency strategy?

The thing about the rope ladder from the second floor is that the first time down, you're terrified. By the second time, you know it will hold. And on the third, you're seeing how much you can make it swing...well, maybe not. Still, it's an exercise in building faith. The middle of the night with a house on fire is not the best time to discover whether or not the ladder will hold. It's best to make the decision to act before the problem ever arises.

So run your fire drills. Practice your faith. Make sure you know where your ladder lies, so when you need it the most, you won't be paralyzed in a smoke-filled room.


DANIEL 3

Thinking Like Origami

I've taken up a new hobby. As you can probably guess from the title of this post, I'm attempting origami. I say attempting because there is, apparently, a lot more to origami than I had originally guessed. I just wanted to fold paper into awesome flowers and turtles. Then I learned, you have to have the right paper, along with--and who would've guessed it--the ability to understand what the arrows and lines on the instructions mean. So I asked a friend who recommended a book that explains the arrows and lines and has pictures for every bit of folding. Exactly what I needed.

Here's the thing about origami. You spend a lot of time folding paper only to then unfold it again, because you want the creases there so the paper will bend at the correct place later. And I had an aha! moment. How many times in life do we go through situations where we are forced to "fold" and we can't for the life of us say afterward why it was so necessary that we had to do that. Perhaps, if you're like me, you even spend some time asking God that same question...but then maybe, say, ten years later, you suddenly discover that being able to fold in that way is very important to your new situation. I can't tell you exactly what it will be. Maybe you had to leave something behind, or take something along that you didn't want. Maybe you had to say goodbye to someone. Whatever the case may be, I can't help but think that we are a lot like origami.

We have to, first of all, be the right kind of paper. A paper that can be folded without tearing, that can hold a crease without forgetting...and, of course, it helps to be colorful, too. And we have to be paying attention to the right kind of instructions. If you don't understand the basics, you can't jump into complicated designs. It just doesn't work that way. Trust me. I've tried this and several mutilated pieces of paper will attest to the fact. Last of all, we have to practice. Nobody gets anything right the first time. Unless they're one of those absolutely perfect people who can play fifteen instruments and speak twenty languages...definitely not me.

The wonderful thing about God is that when we fail to fold correctly the first time, he just smooths it over and gives it another go. Sometimes, I think I've been stuck on the same fold for months before I finally understand which way I'm supposed to be going. But God is patient, and he has the right instructions. He wrote the right instructions in a way that me and you and everyone on the planet can understand them. So this week, I'm going to practice folding.

Enough

What is enough? Coming directly after the holiday season this may be a little difficult to answer. Well, who am I kidding? It's always difficult to answer, isn't it? It's always hard to decide how much is just enough and not too much, trying to balance a life of comfort with moderation, if you even want to bother with that sort of thing.

Enough means different things for different people. Enough for people in America is undoubtedly different than the enough of people in, say, Africa. We buy filters for tap water because it's not pure enough. A majority of people in the world don't have water that's actually safe to drink. So enough differs based on what you're used to, where you grew up, how much you're used to having. Or does it?

I recently came across a Hebrew word that I've absolutely fallen in love with. It's dayenu (דַּיֵּנוּ ), which means, roughly but beautifully translated "it would have been enough for us". 

So, as the new year begins, I ask myself what would have been enough? Ransom from darkness and death? Eternal, faithful love? Certainly those seem to fit the bill. On top of these, I also find myself enjoying clean drinking water, a job where I get paid for the work I do, life in a country where women are allowed to vote and drive, clean clothes, hot water, good food. Sometimes it's hard to see that none of those things even register on the scale of "enough" because it's already been topped out. I have so much more than enough. Why do I ever think I need more? I'm not saying it's bad to have things, or even to like purified water. But those should not be the things we are relying on to be enough for us, to make us happy or safe or content. Even if I lose everything that I can lose, including hot water (which would probably be the worst struggle to be honest), I would still have more than enough. More than I would ever have thought to ask for on my own. And realizing that, I can be content...at least, until my brain distracts me again with trivial nonsense.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19 

Self-destruct

You know those movies, the old sci-fi flicks with more cheese than lasagna where the courageous Captain decides to self-destruct rather than let his ship be dragged into a planet's gravity by some arch-enemy thereby destroying life on the planet. You know the one. It's an old plot, so I wonder if anyone thinks about how hard that would actually be. I mean, to put it in real-life perspective it would be something like diving in front of a bus to push someone else out of the way, or intentionally veering into a side rail to keep from hitting a kid on the road. To bring it down to an even smaller level, it would be like keeping your mouth closed when your pride is stinging rather than striking out in retaliation, or working quietly without worrying about whether or not you'll get the credit.

Sometimes, the grander gestures, the more visible sacrifices are so much easier to think about, because the answer is so obvious. The small things though, tend to trip me up like invisible snares. But small by no means equals unimportant.

Self-destruct. Tearing down the self. Stripping it away. Undoing it.

I could use a self-destruct button in my own life. If I had my way, it would be big and red and blinking. Because there are a lot of times I should use it and I don't. There are a lot of times that I self-construct instead. Culture tells us that this is a good thing. Be proud of who you are. Don't let anyone tell you who to be. You are good. You are beautiful. You deserve great things. And on and on. None of those statements are bad in their own self-contained, encouraging way. I certainly don't think people should go around thinking they're scum or ugly, or that they should be treated that way. Self-esteem and arrogant pride are different things. But being too self-effacing is also, definitely, not where my own flaws lie.

I don't know about you, but I don't need to be told to be proud of who I am. Sometimes, I need someone to remind me that it doesn't matter. None of it matters. Anything I do outside of Christ means absolutely nothing, zero-Kelvin-middle-of-space nothing, and anything I do in him, means life. Those are the only two options. 

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 5:16

Notice, he doesn't say, do good works so people will see you as a hero, send you candy and flowers and discuss you on talk shows. Do good so people see God, not you, and praise him, not you.

So, yes. I need a self-destruct button. I need to use it every day. Because self-construction builds up fast, like hard water residue. It grows uglier and thicker and the longer you wait to scrub at it, the harder it is to get rid of it--the harder it is to notice that blinking, red button.

Being in the Elevator

     This morning, as on many others, I stepped into the elevator and pressed a button for the floor I wanted. The elevator moved, which is nothing unusual--in fact, I prefer it that way. I was rather surprised when it went down instead of up, and I looked a little foolish to the man who got in on the subbasement level while I was trying to figure out where I was. In the end, however, I figured it out and started up again.
     It occurred to me while I was hanging in a metal box suspended by, I assume, cables and tracks, how much faith I have in ordinary things. Faith is, by definition, being certain of what we don't see. When I'm inside the elevator, I can't see the cables that are holding it up. I can't even see the floors passing. If it weren't for the delightful red display of numbers ticking steadily up (or down) I would have no idea where I was at any given point. And yet, I never doubt that I'm going to get where I need to be...in an elevator.
     An elevator, I feel the need to point out, is a machine. It doesn't think. It doesn't feel, and it certainly isn't infallible. The elevator doesn't care if I get out on the right floor, and if a cable were to snap, the elevator would not save me from a fall. So why then do I continue to take my life in my hands and climb into an elevator rather than taking the stairs. Faith. Well, that and the fact that eight flights of stairs are rather too daunting a task for me. But the elevator, despite all that could go wrong, has never let me down. I've never been in an elevator that fell. I've never been stuck, although I think I remember one opening a little off between floors. Obviously, it wasn't enough to make a truly lasting impression.
     So it comes to this. If I have that sort of faith in a machine without even thinking simply because I've never had one break on me, then why, oh, why is so difficult for me to trust God so completely? Why do I hem and haw and hesitate as if he's leading me somewhere I don't want to go? Why do I struggle and fight when I could be relaxing and being glad that I don't have to go through all those steps myself?
     Rather than just stepping in each morning and letting him take me were I need to go, I try to be helpful. I try to press buttons and flip switches, and I panic at every creak and jolt because I can't see what's happening and I'm in no way in control.
     This week, I'm going to remind myself every time I step into an elevator that God knows where I'm going, he knows how he's going to get me there, and he isn't going to let me fall.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Heart Healthy

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

Easy words to say. We know what it means to guard something, to lock it up tight behind walls of stone and ironwood gates and courtyards filled with strong-armed and well-armored men. But how does one go about guarding a heart. One's heart, in the non-organic sense, is not easily confined. Even if it were practical to lock ourselves in a tower, which I don't suggest, our hearts would by no means be safe. How do you guard something that is essentially metaphysical?

"Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips." Proverbs 4:24

Corruption spreads like bacteria in the blood, fast and hungry and surrounded by delicious things to eat. Bacteria are small, by themselves, they look harmless enough that we might not be able to tell the difference between the flesh-eaters and vitamin K-makers. So it is with corruption, and if we lack vigilance both can slip through cracks in the skin that protects and wreak havoc. The first step obviously then, it to keep them from getting inside.

"Experience teaches us that it is much easier to prevent an enemy from posting themselves than it is to dislodge them after they have got possession." - George Washington

Step I: 
Be careful what you allow yourself to take in. Don't let anything that carries a seed of corruption come inside, no matter how harmless is looks. (Anything by the way, means anything: books, television, speech, relationships, even thoughts, must be monitored for signs of infection and treated accordingly - a simple hand-washing will probably suffice for most things if you catch them in time James 4:8, but for those really tough jobs I suggest some serious knee-time and an industrial strength cleaner. Galatians 4:9, Proverbs 17:3)

"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." Proverbs 4:25-27

Step II:

Follow through.

Yup, that's it. Decide what you need to do, and do it. Don't be distracted by all the shiny color and sparkle of culture. It's all plastic and plaster anyway. People will think you're strange. That's all right. They might even call you a prude. Heaven knows there are worse things you can be called (unsaved, unrepentant and wicked come to mind). By the way, the word prude is short for prude femme, meaning virtuous woman. Isn't it interesting how culture has taken something good and made it sound bad? Sounds like corruption to me.

The Homosexuality Issue is the not the Issue

Over the last few weeks, I found myself feeling increasingly uneasy, watching the unrest over the issue of homosexual marriage and homosexuality in general. As event unfold it's becoming more and more clear that in order for "everyone" to be free those who don't fall on the right side of this issue are going to be punished unfairly. And that is worrisome.

Then I realized what's going on here. Talk about smokescreens. This isn't about homosexuality; it isn't about marriage, abortion, slavery, genocide, or which version of the Bible you use. The issue is, as always, whether or not we as Christians are going to choose to act like Christ. That's it. Bottom line. God is control. Always. Our job is to share Christ's love with people.

I think personally, my job in the healthcare field has made part of this easier for me. In healthcare you don't discriminate. I've taken care of people who have done drugs while pregnant, who've been imprisoned for rape, who've tried to commit suicide, who are transgender or homosexual, who are alcoholics.... And it doesn't matter. You treat the person in front of you, and you don't judge them or look down on them, because if you did, you wouldn't be able to do the job.

That's the way it should be in our Christian lives. Treat the person in front of you. Love them as the circumstances call for it. I'm not saying you should tell them what they are doing is right. I don't tell patients who use drugs that they are okay to keep on doing drugs. It is going to kill them, and I have a responsibility to warn them of that. But people should learn to care about your opinion, because they care about you, which happens when you invest time into them. It doesn't work the other way around. No one says, "I really respect that outspoken opinion that was thrown at me like a dart, maybe I should get to know that person."

My point being, don't let what society says is the issue confuse you about what you need to be doing. God has already told us what is required. He didn't tell us we were responsible for fixing the world. He didn't tell us we had to run the country the way we want it run. Just imagine if we didn't live in a democracy. If we lived in a dictatorship where these issues weren't even up for a vote, how would that change how we act and think? The ideal answer would be that it wouldn't change our actions at all.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3, 13 (ESV): If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing...so now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.

On Women

Recently, I started reading Seven Men and the Secret of Their Greatness by Eric Metaxas. For those of you unfamiliar with this author, he wrote biographies on both Dietrich Bonhoeffer and William Wilberforce. In the introduction to his latest book, Metaxas brings up the ideas of what culture today says about manhood. He writes that "we live in a culture where strength is feared and where there is a sense that--to protect the weak--strength itself must be weakened....It leads to a world of men who aren't really men. Instead they are just two kinds of boys: boasting, loud-mouthed bullies or soft, emasculated pseudo-men" (xx). Metaxas points out that manhood as God designed it is the selfless use of men's greatest gift from God, their strength, to protect those who are weaker. I agree whole-heartedly with this statement and think a great many of societies evils could be cured if men chose to use their strength in this way.

Reading this introduction, however, led me to wonder what God's greatest gift to women might be. I would like to set forward women's ability to use words, especially speech, as one of the main talents God has provided the fairer sex. And, just as men's talent has been perverted by culture, I think women's talent has been tainted as well. 

Allow me to explain. We are repeatedly told in the New Testament to use our words to encourage each other to good works, to build each other up and to show respect to the men in our lives--most especially husbands. But I see women all the time who use their words to purposefully disintegrate relationships, whether those are relationships with other women or men. Rather than using their talent for words, especially spoken words, to help, they are used as swift stabbing weapons, and whoever can think faster is the "winner" of the verbal warfare. As everyone knows, the old adage about sticks and stones could not be more untrue. Words can leave wounds that gape and fester for years, even a whole lifetime, after the actual injury is done. I could go on and on in this subject, talking about the prevalence of gossip and spreading of malicious rumors that seem to be the topic of so many television shows geared toward a teenage female audience, which I find horrifying and sad for so many reasons, but my main point is simply this: women have a God-given talent. Just as men should use their strength to protect the weak even to the point of self-sacrifice, women should use their talent to honor and encourage and bring life back into relationships. These talents are two complimentary sides of a coin. The loss of one leads to the downfall of the other. So let me encourage you women out there to use what you have been given for good. Write a note. Send an email or text or telegram if you have to. Tell someone you love them. Tell them they are important and special and that you are glad to have them in your life. Tell them you respect them...and then, act on what you say.


----

Metaxas, Eric. Seven Men and the Secret of Their Greatness. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, Inc., 2013.

Summer Reading List

For those who are always looking for new books to read here are a few recommendations from some of my favorite authors:

1. Pathfinder/Ruins by Orson Scott Card : 
         A far-future sci-fi series about the expansion of the human race to another planet. It's written for young adults but thoroughly enjoyable for a more advanced reader as well.

2. The Wind Through the Key Hole by Stephen King : 
        An addition to his infamous Dark Tower series, this is a tale within a tale within a tale that occurs during the events of the main series. If you were a fan of the series, you should enjoy this.

3. Dodger by Terry Pratchett :
       This novel has much of the humor and flavor of the Discworld series while holding to the setting of Victorian London.

4. Worldshaker/Liberator by Richard Harland :
       Steampunk science fiction for young adults that focuses on the strict class differences aboard the mobile city, Worldshaker.

5. Behemoth/Leviathan/Goliath by Scott Westerfeld :
       Another steampunk science fiction trilogy that begins at the onset of an alternate version of World War 1. I highly recommend this series as well as his Uglies series.

6. Reckless/Fearless by Cornelia Funke :
       A new fantasy series from the author of the Inkheart trilogy. Jacob Reckless is a hunter of fairy-tale artifacts in "the world behind the mirror," but finds himself in trouble when his brother follows him.

7. The Yard/The Black Country by Alex Grecian :
      These novels follow the cases of Detective Walter Day of the Scotland Yard Murder Squad after the infamous Jack the Ripper has disappeared from the streets.

8. The Affinity Bridge/The Osiris Ritual/The Immorality Engine by George Mann :
       Fans of steampunk should definitely give these a read. Newbury and Hobbes, working for Queen Victoria, whose life has been extended indefinitely by a monstrous version of life-support, hunt down the occult in London.

9. Portlandtown by Rob DeBorde :
       Zombies and a little voodoo mixed with northwestern American mythology.

10. The Complaints by Ian Rankin :
        A twist on the normal police/detective fiction involving Malcom Fox of "The Complaints", the Internal Affairs of Britain's police force.

11. Rot & Ruin by Jonathan Maberry:
       Zombies and a coming of age with an interesting message : "Zombies were people, too."

12. The Eyre Affair (Thursday Next #1) by Jasper Fforde :
        Time-travel, a literary detective agency, a master villain...This series moves so fast, it'll be hard to keep up if you aren't paying attention. You'll probably enjoy this series if you have a prolific knowledge of the classics, such as Jane Eyre, Great Expectations, Hamlet and more.

Three Personalities

"In the late 1940's, WH Auden became enamored of the idea that every writer's mind is a household containing three personalities. T.S. Eliot's, he wrote, included an Archdeacon, an old peasant grandmother and a young boy who liked to play practical jokes." - Adam Kirsch


I came across this quote as a writing prompt and decided to try my hand at it. I think there are far more than three floating around in here, but these are the top three personalities that I find myself writing into every story without conscious decision to do so.


LadyAmadeus' Household

1. The Flawed Hero
This is the protagonist who strives and strives for perfection even while making, sometimes extremely destructive, mistakes. He uses his strength (or sometimes weakness) to protect others as best he can while being singularly unconcerned for his own safety and well-being. This is a growing role. Flawed men turn into Heroes throughout the course of the story. And, yes, it usually is a "he," because in my own opinion females are far too complicated for this role (but this is an entirely different subject and may appear in another post at length, so we'll leave it to rest for now).


2. The Misunderstood Villain
My favorite is the misunderstood villain, because, if you are willing to let him, he can unearth a level of empathy that a hero is simply incapable of evincing. It requires the realization that everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do. Very rarely do people set out just to be evil. There are extenuating circumstances. There are turning points and cruxes and opportunities for change. The degree of separation between this villain and the hero can sometimes be as small as a single moment of decision, but that decision was shaped by a past, which is what I'm interested in. I myself am very rarely a hero, even a flawed one, but I do like to think that if I ever play the part of a villain it's simply because my actions are being misunderstood.


3. The Younger Brother
This is the one who desires more than anything else to make others proud of him, to make them acknowledge his skills and ability, and to live up to a standard that was set by someone, usually older and more skillful, going before him. The younger brother is useful in that jealously and unreasonable decisions as well as labile mood are completely in character. You still love him and want him to grow up well, but sometimes, he's simply maddening.

Hollow Land

I am lost in hollow lands
shades of things present and past collide together like astral planes
justice a bankrupt commodity, a mockery for the world-wise and powerful
avarice a staple of see-it-now-and-have-it-yourself mentality
the truth hemorrhages, crushed beneath an earth-weight ton of lies cast in heady disguise as noble means to save the world
I have fallen prey myself to such tremors of conscious, confabulation of purpose in a desert of shifting sands and crooked lines
and I am lost in the desperate caustic dust of drought

Lost until the gleaming morning star fixes direction, sets justice high above kings, floods greed with gracious generosity, overwhelming love, and proves truth the only thing able to save the world despite the sugar-sweet subterfuge of the overlord of this hollow land