Hijacked

It has taken me a while to realize that the way I react to things happening in my life is not necessarily the way that I want to act. Given a calm environment, I know that my reason works competently enough that I could make a reasonable decision. However, add a little stress, a little hunger, a little sleep-loss and/or a whole blender-full of hormones and, suddenly, my reason becomes overwhelmed. Bad decisions aren't necessarily seen as good; they just aren't seen as decisions at all. In fact, I react as if I had no choice but to react as I do. And that is completely untrue. I don't have to react in any way, because I am a rational (mostly) human being who has the capability of making good decisions even if I am stressed or hungry or tired. So why don't I?

To put it simply, my brain has been hijacked...by my past decisions. The brain is very impressionable, and it assumes once you've done something several times that that is how you would always like to do it. It lays down the imprint, creates a map and starts traveling the same road until the ruts become trenches, then canyons. When this comes to things like riding a bike, tying your shoes or being able to drive to work without having to consciously think about what you're doing, this ability to maintain nueropathways is quite useful. When it comes to reacting badly to a slow driver, or stressing over work, or really any number of situations where I let my emotions take over...it's not so good.

The good news is that my mind (being a separate entity that controls the actual physical brain in a way that still mystifies scientists) is capable of retraining my brain so that the decisions that I make impulsively are good rather than...not so good. In order to do this, however, I have to be able to stop, realize that my brain is getting ready to plummet down that canyon road, and pull it over to another path before that happens. Sometimes, this feels very much like wrestling the wheel away from hijackers (emotional hijackers, who have some really good arguments and some really poor impulse control), and I think how much easier it would be just to let things run toward gravity. Easier, yes. Better, no.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Galatians ends the list of the fruit of the spirit with self-control. After all, if I am constantly working at being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle and faithful, then I will have self-control. I will forge new paths to become roads that will turn into highways themselves. And I will be much more difficult to hijack.

Shine

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain."

Philippians 2:14-16

European Space Agency & NASA

 

This has never really been my favorite verse. As a child, it was liberally quoted to me by my parents, usually when I was complaining, which did not in all honesty make me any more likely to appreciate the truth of it. It's akin to the "children, obey your parents" verse that was also frequently referenced in my childhood. However, looking past all that, I've been thinking about this verse more and more recently.

I notice that Paul didn't write, "Do everything at home without grumbling," or "do not have disputes with your fellow Christians." He was, in fact, a little more broad in his instructions. And no matter how I look at it "all things" comes down to mean, basically, everything. Everything. So if I get stuck with an unfair assignment at work, or I have to stay late, or I'm in the long line at the grocery store and the lady in front of me can't figure out how to use her credit card, or I have to wait three hours for an oil change...those are all situations included in everything. In short, Paul is telling them to have a lifestyle where complaining simply does not exist...at all. The end result being that we shine.

Why? Because complaining is easy. Far easier for me than keeping my mouth shut and smiling.

So I tried it. I mean, I consciously decided I wasn't going to complain about anything at work. And, guess what? Life was so much easier. It wasn't that the situation was any better. I certainly could have used more help than I got, but somehow, it didn't matter as much as it usually does. I found that having made the decision, I turned to God more throughout the day, rather than just letting things ride.

It's amazing to me how I can have the attention, love and help of the God of the universe, who is beyond time and space, and I forget to ask him to work in me. Not just once or twice. I consistently forget that he is behind every good thing that I want to do, every worthwhile effort that I make. I don't think it's pride that makes me think I can get through on my own, because I know when I think about it, that I can't do it by myself. I do think it's habit. I have spent so much time focusing on myself, that I automatically look to myself for strength. And it just isn't there.

The best way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with a new one. So here it is. "Rejoice in the Lord always: again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7




 

Why I Don't Believe in Santa Claus

I don't like Santa. I love Christmas. My dislike for Santa Claus has nothing to do with how I feel about the holiday. But I'm frustrated by what I see in every store, in almost every facebook post, and shining bright in Christmas lights. The magic of Christmas is not a jolly man in a red suit coming to reward good behavior and punish bad. It isn't even the more realistic story of a good man who wanted, either in reality or simply in legend, to help three poor girls out with their dowry. I very much doubt that St. Nicholas, if he were really as righteous and pious as the stories suggest, would have even wanted so a--well, let's face it---ludicrous character named after him, and I am certain he would not have wanted said character to take over the holiday meant to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Because the true "magic" of Christmas is simply this: that God became human to save a people who wasn't even that interested in him.

Wait...

Let that sink in.


I know you probably know it already, but really stop and think about it. The God of the universe, the one who created galaxies and knows the stars by name and is eternal, timeless, ageless, became human. He stepped, intentionally and with perfect design, into a single, fragile body on a single broken world, to be helpless, and hungry, to know pain and loneliness and suffering.

This broken world had no hope. None at all. The world was dark, and there was no light in it. Until God came to walk with us. Imagine being in the dark and the cold. Imagine never knowing light. Then imagine the amazement of seeing for the first time, of light coming through the dark and showing you colors, textures, brilliance and radiance. Hope. Love. Peace.

That fact, in itself, is so amazing that I can hardly hold it in my head long enough to really think about it.

This is the Christmas story. It is the very essence and meaning of Christmas. And anything else, no matter how cheerful, or harmless, or well-meant, looks cheap and tarnished in comparison.

But do the people across the street have a manger scene in their yard? No. They have a blow-up Santa. Why? Santa Claus can't save them. St. Nicholas couldn't have even if he'd tried. And the Santa today very little resembles the saint for whom he was named in any case.

My problem with Santa Claus is that he isn't my savior, he's not real, and he has no right to be at the center of attention. My problem with Santa Claus is that people use him as an excuse to lie to their children because it's "traditional" and "magical" and because they don't want their kids to miss out. But I have to ask, what would they be missing out on? Christ's salvation still stands, so what do they have to lose? Except, maybe their faith in you, when they realize you've lied to them.

So, no, I don't believe in Santa Claus, nor do I think we should encourage children in any tradition that, at its core, has deception as a necessity. Stockings are fine. I think they're a cute way to do little gifts. But don't lie about who fills them.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...in him was life, and that life was the light of men. The lights shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1

Impossible Grace

What grace is this that saves me, unworthy, from the storm?
What love is this that finds me, lost and rebellious, in the deepest darkness?
What hope that shows me a future beyond all imagining and desperate longing?
Who is this that offers such refreshment to my soul, such rest to my weary spirit?

It is my Lord, and him alone. Nothing else will suffice once truth has been tasted, for all the world goes to ashes around me when I look to him. Everything is shaken, but that one, who holds me and covers me with the corner of his great cloak. To him I must cling or be lost, I think. And failing again, I feel that his arms are holding me, safe though I try to wander, though my eyes are caught by pretty things, my heart by things not so pretty, my mind by ideas that run rampant instead of held captive to truth.

This is grace, impossible
This is love, unstoppable
This is hope, undying
My Lord, my God, my Love is faithful beyond eternity

"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you..." "For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling..." "Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is your. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all." "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." "But we are not those who shrink back and are destroyed, but those who have faith and preserve their souls." "...for our God is a consuming fire." "...who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." "And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price."

Open Hands

I cannot serve with hands grasping tight,

Clenched behind my back to keep hold of

What I want, what I think I need, deserve, desire

Dross and broken dreams, ash and dust, useless

But mine, undeniably

Empty hands I would be of use to you

To soothe and rescue, to feed and defend

And so I would find my empty hands soul-filled

With grace and hope and love, spread with peace

Treasure, undeniable

Open my hands, my God, I hold them before you

Relax these stubborn fingers from my hold

Take these broken dreams

Take this pain, this doubt, this fear

These tears of self-made sorrow

Empty my hands, my King, I raise them to you

Fill them with grace

Not to be grasped, squeezed, owned

And so distorted and destroyed

But to be held loose and given free

Refuge

Have you ever heard that saying "He doesn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain?" As a rule, this is not a compliment. Usually, it's used to describe a person we find to be exceptionally dense or lacking in the most basic of common sense. Then I wondered, how often am I like that?

The Psalms are full of references to taking refuge in the Lord. 

Psalm 37:39-40 

"The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him."

Psalm 9:9

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 18:30

This God--his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

And there are many references in the other books of the Bible speaking to the Lord being a refuge, stronghold, rock and shelter. But what good is such a shelter to me if I choose to stand outside in the rain and cry? What use is the best fortress if I won't go inside and seek protection from the one who owns it?

So often, I think, I see the storm building, and rather than running inside and watching through fire-lit windows, I choose to stand there and sulk about the rain and cold. Oh, praise the Lord, who saves even the souls of those who don't have enough sense to walk through open doors! Praise the Lord, who comes out to meet me in the storm and carries me into the light!

Grace Notes

Let my life be a melody to my king
Full of the harmony of love and peace
Graced with notes of joy

Sometimes, as today, I wonder how I can spend so much of my life effectively blind to what God has done. He is not simply the creator of the universe, masters of stars and nebulae and black holes that spin the galaxies into shape. He braids he laws of physics around his fingers, and without him, nothing would hold together. Surely that is splendid, but it does not touch my heart.

Mystic Mountain - NASA

The earth itself is beautiful with a splendor that sometimes takes my breath away, when clouds edged silver by sunlight wrap the verdant green of the mountains against the bluest of skies, when the wildflowers sway in the field like summer's confetti, or the ocean rolls, full of light and dark and salt. It is beautiful and this does, in its way, touch my heart, but nature cannot save me, cannot fill me.

Photo by Michael Gabler

Then there are people, wonderful, beautiful people, who touch my life for good or ill, who take my heart and fill my hours. But they are flawed, as selfish as I am, as incapable of understanding and as deaf of heart at times. And though I love them, they cannot save me.

The Arena in Arles - Van Gogh

But, my God, not only has he saved me, but he has given me back my ability to enjoy everything else he has done. Because I am saved, I can love those who hurt me. Because I am filled with his joy and his strength and his peace, I cannot look at the sky and be struck breathless with awe at the beauty of what my God has created. Because I am loved, I can examine the laws that hold this universe together and see the glory of my Father. Everything I see, I see because he has put it there.

But I forget. Sometimes, I see the stars and do not remember what holds them in their places, I look on the mountains as only a feature of the land, and I see people as untrustworthy and not worth my time. This should not be possible, and yet, I have proved every day that it is so. So I pray today that my eyes will be opened and never closed to what my God has done, to his tremendous love and his faithfulness more constant that the sun. I pray that I will sing out the love of my God with every action, that, though there be grace notes, there will be no rests in my song.