Speaking Grace

As a single woman, I've been hurt time and again by things that people have said clearly not understanding the weight of their words in an area where I'm already struggling to be content. Things like "Why aren't you married yet?", "Are you looking for someone?", "What you need to do is...". But even more than that, it's the unspoken but overarching sense of "I understand you, because I was single once, but you couldn't possibly understand me, because you've never been married/don't have children/etc."

I'm certainly not the only one who feels this way. There are numerous posts and blogs from people in all walks and places in life dedicated to the idea of what someone should or should not say to someone else. However, I don't want this to turn into one of those rants. Because the bottom line is this: I can't control what anyone else says or does to me.

So, to avoid unnecessary irritation, I need to focus on how I talk to other people and how I respond to people who say things that are hurtful, either purposefully or inadvertently, or prying or just plain annoying.

This is where mercy comes in heaps and handfuls. It isn't always easy to overlook an offense, but it's a lot easier when we consider the offenses that God has not simply overlooked, but wiped clean on our part.

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32 

Notice this verse doesn't say anything about someone asking for forgiveness. It just says to do it. Give mercy.

But what if someone really did mean to hurt me? What if it was intentional and spiteful and they are always doing the same thing?

Fortunately, it's quite simple, whether the slight was intentional or not doesn't make the least bit of difference in how I am supposed to react to it. I have one response to learn and to learn well. Forgive them.

"To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?" 1 Corinthians 6:7

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 

1 Peter 4:8

So that deals with the side of things where I'm the victim, but what if I'm the offender? What if I inadvertently say something that gives offense? Obviously, the best option is to try to avoid that situation. In a world where opinions are given unwanted and often unneeded, it isn't a bad idea for me to slow down, stop imagining that my answers are going to save the world from imminent doom, and speak grace, relying on God to give me the words that particular someone needs to hear.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Colossians 4:6