Friday, August 28, 2015

Waiting on Prince Charming

I grew up on fairytales. Not the Grimm kind, but the Disney kind. Where Prince Charming comes sweeping out of the dark to defeat imminent evil and save the princess. I loved it. I love that dashing kind of romance where true love is proved by action, not just words. As I got older I came to appreciate the kind of romance you find when Mr. Darcy helps Elizabeth Bennet's family, without telling her, because he loves her. It's the same kind of love that makes Jane stay with Mr. Rochester when he's blind and scarred. Great feats of self-sacrifice without demanding anything in return. True love. I want you to understand this before I tell you what I'm going to tell you next, so you know that really I do like the idea of falling in love and marriage and Happily Ever After, and if I were ever allowed to be I would be the soppiest kind of romantic possible.

I've never been kissed. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I've chosen not to kiss anyone until my wedding day. This isn't something new I just came up with. I made this promise (I like to think of it as a vow) when I was 13 years old. Yes, I've had boyfriends. No, I never kissed any of them, and I don't regret it. Because I don't want run-of-the-mill romance that begins and ends in the dating stage. I want the kind that lasts until I'm 80 and wrinkly, and he has gray hair (or no hair at all) and crazy eyebrows. And, believe it or not, girls, you can't make someone love you, by kissing them. Nor does the fact that he is kissing you prove that he is, in any way, in love with you. I could go on for quite a while on what love actually is, but I think I'll save that for another post.

In my own experience, and I've heard this from a boyfriend as well, taking out the physical part of the relationship makes it much easier to focus on who the other person actually is. There's no surprise there. Physical attraction dumps enough chemical signals into the bloodstream that adding a physical relationship as well can completely overwhelm whatever common sense things your brain is trying to tell you, putting you into a self-induced high. (This is one of the many reasons your friends and your family are probably a better judge of your date than you are.)

Okay. Don't panic. I'm not saying you have to follow in my footsteps. I know the idea of being nearly three decades old and never having kissed anyone isn't exactly ideal. But I do suggest you pick a line, a very distinct line, that you will not cross. Make a promise and, boy or girl, respect yourself enough to keep it. Society is going to tell you that you're a freak, and  your friends probably won't understand. So be prepared to stand up for yourself. You will save yourself so much trouble and heartache, and you'll be glad of it when you find yourself in your Happily Ever After.

On another note, I once joked that I would kiss whoever I wanted if I turned 30 and wasn't married. It was just a joke, people. I'm 17 years in, so I can't see going back on my promise now. I'm going to hold out for the real thing, and if it never happens, I'm okay with that. A bit disappointed, perhaps, because who wouldn't want someone performing feats of self-sacrifice for them, but okay. Better than okay, because one person already has sacrificed himself for me. And he is more than enough.

Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
all the wealth of his house,
he would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:7




2 comments:

  1. Isaac made the same promise, and neither he nor I regret it

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  2. What a godly, brave, inspiring young lady you are! Everyone around you is so blessed! You are a reflection of God's beauty! This world desperately needs more people like you! Keep shining! God is preparing something wonderful!

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Thanks for reading!